Fortune Teller
by Fai-kitty and Kuro-woof
Summary: KuroFai crack, to put it simply. Fai introduces Kurogane to the concept of matchmaking fortune tellers and Kurogane isn't happy with his results... at first, anyway... Rated for Kurochu's language
1. The Paperfolding Fortune Teller

"Kuro-pon! Kuro-chu! Pick a color!" Fai cheered excitedly as he held up some paper contraption that was wrapped around his fingers.

"What's this nonsense you're spouting?" Kurogane muttered.

"It's not nonsense; it's a fortune teller. I can tell you who you're going to marry," Fai smiled felinely.

"It's nonsense," Kurogane reaffirmed coldly. "Any looser who uses fortune tellers is a pathetic fool."

"Nuh-uh, Kuro-chan. My sister and I used to play this game all the time and she always got Icchan and do you know what? She and Icchan ran off together a little before I left," Fai informed him.

"So?"

"So I just got a letter from my sister last week. She and Icchan are getting married."

"Coincidence," Kurogane shrugged.

"You won't know until you try, Kuro-pi! Come on, just pick one of the four colors you see on the outside here," Fai insisted.

"Fine," Kurogane growled. "Red."

"R-E-D," Fai said as he flipped the paper open and shut in different directions.

"Hey, you cheater, that was only three," Kurogane glared.

"But red is only three letters in my alphabet. How many is it in yours?" Fai blinked.

"Four."

"We'll do it twice then. Once my way and once your way," Fai giggled. "Okay, pick a number: four, nine, two, five."

"Five."

"Five it is! One two three four five! Pick another number: eight, seven, one, three."

"Three."

"One two three. One last number: four, nine, two, five."

"Five again."

"Okay... and the one you will marry is..." Fai flipped open the flap and paused. "My, this is embarassing."

"You made me go through all this shit to get an answer so you better tell me what it is," Kurogane growled.

"Well okay," Fai shrugged. "It's me."

"What?" Kurogane's eyes went wide. "There's no way in hell that I'm ending up with you!"

"Want to do it again then?" Fai got ready to do it again. "Pick a color."

"Blue - and it has three letters where I come from," Kurogane scowled at him.

"Um, okay, B-L-U?" Fai flipped it open this way and that. "Four, nine, two, five."

"Two."

"Four, nine, two, five."

"Five."

"Eight, seven, one, three."

"One."

"Fai," Fai stared at it.

"You put your name under all the flaps, didn't you!?" Kurogane pointed an accusing finger in his face.

"No, actually, I'm only under one," Fai responded.

"Then how are you under both one and five!?"

"It shifts at random to make sure the results can't be tampered with," Fai explained. "And to be completely honest, the only names on here more than once are Tomoyo-hime and Soma-san."

"One more time," Kurogane glared. "And this time no funny stuff."

"I didn't do anything though," Fai insisted.

"Green - six letters."

"Eight, seven, one, three"

"One."

"Four, nine, two, five."

"Four."

"Four, nine, two, five."

"Nine."

"Fai."

"Again."

Fifty tries later, Fai was still getting the same reading, "Fai."

"Again."

"Kuro-ron, for someone who doesn't believe in these things, you seem awfully interested in getting a different answer."

"Shut up."

"You really do believe, don't you?" Fai grinned.

"Shut up! Okay, next we try a fortune telling game _I _know!"

"Okay."


	2. The Ladder Game

"Now how does this work exactly?" Fai blinked as he watched Kurogane draw what looked like a bunch of random cross-hatchings on a paper.

"I draw the lines at random so that it's impossible to trace what will lead where. When I finish, I'll write the names at the bottom under each long line. Then I'll pick a starting point at the top. Wherever the first line to cross over to another long line is, I cross over. I continue that way until I hit the bottom where my answer waits. Understand?" Kurogane explained.

"Oh I get it," Fai nodded.

"Alright. Finished," Kurogane laid out the paper, putting the pen aside.

"Which path are you going to take?" Fai smiled felinely.

"The middle one."

"Ooh, let me do it," Fai started tracing his finger down and across and down again, humming as he followed the line. "I believe that's my name, Kuro-chan."

"Actually, it says idiot," Kurogane glared up at him. "Do over. This time I'll take path two."

Fai traced down the second path, humming again. "Wow, path two leads to me too!"

"The first!"

Pale fingers slipped over black ink again. "Me again!"

"The fourth!"

"Me"

"The last one! The last one has to lead to someone e--!"

"Wow! They all lead to me! That's some ladder game layout, Kuro-san!" Fai laughed.

"What!? They can't all lead-- Goddammit!! They really all do lead to you!!" Kurogane grabbed Fai by the collar. "You rigged it somehow, didn't you?!"

"Why, Kuro-rune, I can't believe you'd think such a thing about me. Of course I didn't rig it. I wouldn't even know where to start if I had rigged it."

"Fine," Kurogane released him, shoving him back a bit with the same motion. "I'll draw straws and prove this is all just some crazy bullshit."


	3. Drawing Straws

"Okay! It's ready!" Fai smiled as he brought over a cup full of sticks. "You know, Kuro-min, for someone who doesn't believe in forecasting the future, you are quite obsessed with proving my prediction wrong."

"I refuse to accept that _anything_ says I'll spend the rest of my life with a freak like _you,"_ Kurogane glared.

"That was cruel, Kuro-kyon," Fai pouted. "Oh well... you have _the rest of our wonderful life together_ to pay me back."

"Shut the hell up," Kurogane snapped as he snatched out a stick.

"What does it say?" Fai leaned over his shoulder.

"... YOU KNOW I CAN'T READ THIS!" Kurogane yelled.

"Oh," Fai took the stick. "It says Fai."

Kurogane growled, "Put it back."

Fai obediently put the stick back in the cup. Kurogane shook up the sticks and picked one out.

"Mage?"

"Yeah?" Fai cocked an eyebrow.

"This is your name again, isn't it?" Kurogane held out the stick.

"Yep," Fai smiled felinely.

"Dammit!" Kurogane threw the stick back in, shook the cup, and picked again. "You! Why is it always you!?"

"You know, you could be a little nicer," Fai commented. "I do cook you breakfast lunch and dinner and I take all of your abuse without complaint."

"You..." Kurogane's eyes narrowed as he looked at Fai. "You rigged it all. I don't know how but you did."

"Kuro-sama, I swear to you--"

Kurogane pinned Fai to the floor. "I'm not gonna let you go until you admit you fucked with the results."

"What are you going to do, Kuro-wan? Torture me to make me tell?" Fai laughed.

"Not quite," Kurogane grinned. "But I assure you it'll hurt like hell."

"Kuro-sa--" Fai was cut short as Kurogane kissed him roughly and began to strip him.

"Whoooo! That was good!" Fai grinned.

"I can't believe you didn't admit it," Kurogane tugged his shirt back on.

"Mmm," Fai stretched out across Kurogane's lap and looked up at him. "Well maybe I did... maybe just a little..."

"You admit it then?"

Fai held up a single finger and winked, "Just the last stick draw."

Kurogane gave a frustrated sigh.

"Well, Kuro-kyon, I think you just have to face facts," Fai sat up and leaned against Kurogane's body, causing a certain reaction Kurogane hadn't expected himself to have quite so soon after release. "You and I are together forever, whether we like it or not."

"Well, I suppose you could make it worth it," Kurogane mused.

"Oh? How?" Fai blinked. He was immediately forced to the floor again. "Kuro-wan, you're such a bad doggie!"


End file.
